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Accept Responsibility

Do you blame other people and circumstances for keeping you from achieving the level of success, happiness, and health you’d like to enjoy? Blaming others for deficiencies or any of the conditions of your life keeps you from fulfilling your own highest destiny. Everyone in life does exactly what they know how to do given the conditions of their lives. That’s the way I’ve chosen to look at the story of my life. My mother had three small children under the age of four; and an alcoholic husband who walked away without ever providing any support. She placed one of my brothers and me in a series of foster homes, while my other brother lived with my grandmother until I was ten years old. This is not a story of pity or blame; it’s precisely what had to take place in order for me to learn about self-reliance firsthand. Because I’ve lived self-reliance, and then gone on to teach it to millions of people, I don’t find fault with anyone for any of the conditions of my life. I see all of my early-childhood experiences as necessary gifts, even the ones laced with pain and sadness.

Be willing to accept total responsibility for every facet of your own life. You didn’t inherit your personality traits from anyone in the past—you’ve repeatedly chosen them, even though you may be unaware of how or why. If you’re shy, loud, fearful, assertive, loving, hateful, kind, or cruel, learn to say: This is what I’ve chosen for myself up until now.

Similarly, if you find yourself mired in debt, languishing in poverty, wasting away in an unfulfilling career, or wilting in an unsatisfying relationship—whatever the current conditions of your life, ask yourself if you’re willing to take responsibility for them. I know this appears difficult. You indeed may have suffered at the hands of uneducated, poorly informed, badly addicted people. It was not your fault.

Even as we recognize this, I urge you to accept, without guilt, that everything that has shown up in your life has value equal to your assuming responsibility for its existence. There’s something for you to learn in any difficulty. Be willing to say, “Thank you, God, for the experiences I’ve lived through” on a daily basis. Look for the blessing in all situations, and remind yourself that you’re no longer a child, but a fully functioning adult willing to accept the responsibility that will now give you control of your destiny.

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AnaMaria says:

Wow, what a wonderful article! Love it! Gracias!

hantawi says:

Responsibility is accepting how your Response and Abllity create the conditions of your life.No one else can be blamed for you life situations except yourself. You have chosen how you would like to experiance each action and reaction of your life’s events

Jared says:

As a recovered alcoholic, acceptance and taking responsibility meant that “I” was responsible. Thus, I have to (or not) do something about it. Taking responsibility gives us great power. I thank God every day for the very moment I chose to live. I had to do a million things perfectly wrong to end up with the amazing life I have today.

Kristi says:

A wonderful thing happens when you take responsibility for your life situation….you realize you have the power to create the life you want to live! What an amazing feeling! Thank you Dr. Dyer for helping me to begin to find what has been lost along the way.

Lifeisgr8 says:

Thank you for suggesting the book the gift of fire I would have probably never picked that book up with out you pointing it out to try…wow what a story loved it and it sure changes a person to read it…thanks for recommending it.

Claudia Gallego says:


Janet Pfeiffer, The Secret Side of Anger says:

Look at the other words hidden in BLAME: LAME and ME. Blame renders one powerless when we hold others accountable for who we are and the condition of our lives. We all have free will and choice. Taking responsibility is where our personal power lies. Choose who you are and who you become. What others do is irrelevant.

patricia says:

I would like to know what you think about abortion?
if someone know waht dr wayne think about it,olease let me know.

leslie says:

With the intention of getting clean and sober, i went to 4 meetings a day,then watched Dr.Dyer on pbs one night. And i realized that i have no one to blame but myself! i was clean , but much more, i was happy and free! thank God,thank you!

Karen Margrete says:

Some years ago I was deeply depressed. Now, I can smile, even laugh, while reading your ‘lesson’. Thank you!

Nealon Hightower, Six Simple Truths says:

Wayno, Right on! You have helped me to become grateful for the things in my life that have shown up to teach me lessons. Where would the fun be in a perfect upbringing? Much love….

Dennis says:

How another behaves in your life really has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you. Otherwise people and events would show up randomly and chaos would ensue, making learning impossible. Taking this responsibility is not a reason for self-blame, however, but a necessary process on the journey from unknowing to knowing.

Ivana says:

i am agree with all of this words.Life learn us every day.Big hug from Croatia!!

Helene says:

Your words continue to affirm that I’ve truly come a long way in my own personal development. I thank you Dr. Dyer for all of your work and resources, including these wonderful blogs!

My sincerest gratitude and appreciation!

Helene Sinclair

Valerie Curcuro, Life Coach says:

As you point out, accepting responsibility is foundational to empowered living, and it takes courage to admit that but it’s the secret to living free and happy.