Wayne’s BlogView all

Why We Forgive

I was having dinner with my friend Ram Dass not long ago and talking about forgiveness, a subject I’m studying for my new book. He leaned over and said to me, “Wayne, I’ve never believed that it’s up to us to forgive anyone. That is not our role.” Let this profound statement sink in and think about how it might apply to your own experience.

First, we have to face the notion that in order to consider forgiving someone we must have been blaming them for something. We must have anger, resentment, blame, even hatred going on in order to feel the need to forgive. Forgiveness is really an act of letting go, releasing the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the thoughts of revenge that we have been carrying around. We can do this letting go without even encountering the person we want to forgive. It was one act of profound forgiveness toward my own father, whom I never saw or talked to, that turned my life around from one of ordinary awareness to one of higher consciousness, achievement, and success beyond anything I had ever dared to imagine.

We forgive by releasing all resentment, anger, and bitterness and thus set ourselves free from the negative feelings that weaken us. First we have to get past blame. Then we have to learn to send love to all. One of the great lessons of forgiveness is the report of Jesus’s words on the cross: “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” They really did not know the harm they were doing to themselves and to all of us. Meet hatred with love.

Taking all the anger and hatred that is standing in your way and replacing it with love is the most healing thing you can do. Fill your soul with love, rather than anger and so many things will change in your life. None of us needs revenge, but we all need love. It is all we really have to give away.

I advised a recent caller to my radio show to contact the abusive father she hadn’t seen or spoken to in 30 years. Finding the courage to call the show was the signal to her that she needed to heal her painful past. Rather than saying, “I forgive you,” and opening old wounds, all she needs to do is say, “I’m here, I care about you, and I send you love.” She has the power to heal and set both of them free.

Topics: , ,


Debbie says:

My brother’s best friend is struggling with forgiveness of his ex-wife. After coming back from your “You Can Heal Your Life” cruise, I sent him this message for forgivesness. I pray he chooses one day to forgive her.

Joy says:

I have been studying A Course in Miracles along with Gary Renard’s books (Disappearance of the Universe and Your Immoortal Reality) which speaks to the practice of forgiveness everyday in every way. Through the acts of forgiveness (as taught by ACIM), we can bring more peace and love into our lives which ultimately will bring us home to heaven.

Lauren says:

hating your enemies is like taking poison and hoping they will die..

Carol says:

To forgive someone is not an easy task. I had to forgive my husband’s business partner when he took everything we had. The hate and anger was hurting me and noone else. When I found it in my heart to forgive, all those negative feelings were released and i wasnt weighed down by it anymore. Did i mention the business partner was his father.

Ismael says:

Thank you Wayne. As I started to read this, Amazing Grace come on, my Ipod set to shuffle! You re-introduced me to this song last weekend in Sydney. Wayne there is no measure to the gratitude I feel for being there to share with all those people at that event and for the word you gave us.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

Mary says:

Thank you for this blog! I thought I had truly forgiven until I read this; I now know that my forgiveness was on my terms which meant that I forgave as long as I controlle all: I have a long way to go; but from this moment on; I will send them love everyday; so that they can stop living in shame and I can feel a true part of my family. Blessings

Montse says:

Thank you! There are moments when we realize that we have suffered enough from something that happened so long ago. We are not anymore that little child, we are adults now, with a family… and we want to look forward and to put our energy in our life today. Suddently we see that we can call that person, when you do it… you let it go. Love.

Sepideh says:

that is very nice , it is difficult first but it works very powerfully.
I believe you Dr Wayne because i live with your books and advices. i have got many experiments in that field.

as a matter of fact we must change our life style through these secret thoughts.

Carla Maria says:

It is about awareness, we have come to realize we don’t need it but still we have to work with some unconsciouss thoughts and feelings. We are already interested in this kind of subjects, we must apply the theory of what we know is the right thing to do so then we can become happier persons and acomplish our goals
Hugz from Peru.

nancy says:

I’m 59 yrs old and I’ve studied and practiced the subject of enlightenment, etc.for many yrs. I find myself back where I started.. angry, hurt and nowhere. Don’t get it.

Sharon says:

Thank you fo all of your wonderful, loving advice. I often think of the AA saying that “holding resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die!”
I was so honored to hear you in San Diego this May. You will always remain in my gratitude prayers… With much love,

Katesa says:

This is so beautiful! To read about each person’s experiences. And why am i here? Yes we all need love and by just dropping everything and become love is such a powerful thing.
So i adobt your saying: I am here, I care about you and I send you love!

Thankyou for facebook, I have found these wonderful people again

Beth says:

I truly respect you but I’m having trouble with the advice you gave her. Why offer love to those who you know will try to hurt you again? Isn’t it wiser, and still forgiving, to just let go? And, wish them joy and happiness, no bitterness or anger. Sometimes, when abuse (even psychological) could happen again, isn’t that okay?

parvin says:

You forgive the people’s mistakes, not because they deserve forgivenness, but because you are entitled a peaceful life. Putting your feet in the others’ shoes, helps you to improve your concepts, attitudes, values and believes.

Sandra says:

Generally you think of forgiveness as a good thing, but the way you are thinking about it, makes it a good thing for everyone. I went on a couples retreat called Quantum Sedona retreats.They thought me how to come from love, in everything I do. That one tip basically saved my marriage and The things I learned there single handedly changed my life


Truely said Dr Wayne…. We all need love . Its just the baggage we carry over from the past has to cleared off by droping eveything and just becoming love.

Odilia Carmen says:


catherine says:

love you Dr. Dyer!! xoxo

Wilber says:

What I felt and still do is the confusion caused by my fathers constant anger, I guess the best handle I can put on it is ego and reprisal for the way he was treated as a child. Sort of what came his way he had to pass on at a later time. The circle has ended. The debt is paid.

Vickie Faine says:

I just read all of the posts here, and I sense such tremendous Divine energy. I just had to write another post to say wow, I am grateful to be here!

Jo Ann says:

I want to thank you for helping me to become a channel for spirit once again…the part about our children choosing us was especially helpful as my family all stopped speaking to me suddenly a few years ago and I was perplexed. Now I feel that I have fulfilled what I agreed to do with them before birth and they are doing what is theirs to do…

Life is Spiritual...Brenda says:

If we don’t forgive we become harmed by this negativity. Learning to forgive is the process of releasing the damage inside oursleves which can then be replaced by something more positive. I love the application of wisdom’s simplicity when applied in our lives.

Penny says:

I love you more today than yesterday….

Penny says:

The “negative feelings that weaken us” I guess we all have that choice. I really want to make healthy choices for myself. It reminds me of Louise Hay’s “one thought, one drop” as I watched the ripple effect one drop of water created on the surface of the water in the bathtub.

Kenneth says:

Forgiving is in our nature. It frees us to move forward unencumbered. Yet, somewhere along the way, we have been taught that holding on to blame, anger and resentment places us in a position of power and control. It does not. Instead, it places us in a cage. It immobilizes us. Whatever it takes to forgive, it is well worth the effort.

Allison says:

Learning to forgive can be very difficutl. This feels like a much simpler path to peace. Thank you
Allison Galbraith

Wilber says:

After 63 yrs it’s time to put my painful child hood to rest. We had a guest to dinner last night, talked of the abuse suffered from our parents. My wife said how painful it was to hear of my childhood beatings, she’s right, still bothers me. Started – Meditations for Manifesting-Healing these wounds has moved to the top of the list.

Joshua says:

QUESTIONS: Does anger have a biological purpose (like fear, which keeps us alive and unharmed)?? Is there ever a time when anger and resentment are beneficial?? Just asking….I’m a big fan of peace and love 🙂

Deborah says:

When we are children forgiveness is an inherent part of us. I learned from the kids at school that forgiveness takes about 5 seconds rather than 5 or 50 years that adults take! At what point did we forget this built in natural mechanism we were born with? “Become as little children”.
Prayers and Blessings, Deborah Charleston SC

AnaMaria says:

Wow, what an incredible article!! This is something I needed to read today!
Maravilloso articulo, es algo que necesitaba leer el dia de hoy!
Mil gracias!
Thank you!

Vickie Faine says:

hotep, dr. dyer,

forgiving really does set one free. my dad and I now have a genuine loving and caring relationship. your work has helped me tremendously. thank you for allowing yourself to be of service to humankind. hetepu mir.

Valerie Curcuro, Life Coach says:

Our highest calling is to become love, the journey starts in the darkness, our anger, moves into the light through forgiveness and lives in the light when we no longer take offence in the first place. When our souls are filled with love, there isn’t any room for anything but light. It is a life long journey.

INGRID says:

Thank You, I believe that this is a sign for me to start a new relationship with my mother…………

Robyn McCorquodale says:

Wow, I’ve never thought of forgiveness in this way but what a beautiful shift of thinking and being. Thank you for this insight 🙂 robyn

PAOLA says:

thank you, thank you sooooo muchhhh … i need this…. just on time……. gracias lo necesitaba….

Mucunda says:

Easy to write about it , difficult to work on it , from your heart a mean, I am doing a great effort to forget my own incidents , but you must be a transcendent person